Hemorrhoids, Democrats, and Iran

The Things I Think Blog has been published a little late this week. The latest figures from economists is that the Stimulus Package will cost each American $6700 in debt…I figured I’d work some overtime this week and start paying down my share.

Save the Hemorrhoids

When I was young, there was a campaign by Greenpeace, or some other tree hugging organization, to Save the Whales. I was okay with that. Cute, gigantic, multi-ton mammals floating around the ocean: who couldn’t be behind that? Then came the campaign to Save the Rainforest. Okay. Save trees so they suck up carbon dioxide…I get it. Then came Recycling, Global Cooling, Global Warming, and the “What Would Jesus Drive?” Campaign to get us to stop driving SUVs…incidentally, Jesus probably would have driven a Ford Expedition—he had 12 disciples to haul everywhere; they never would have fit in a Prius. None of those bothered me too much.

This week, Greenpeace stepped over the line. Allen Hershkowitz, a senior scientist for the Natural Resources Defense Council said, “Future generations are going to look at the way we make toilet paper as one of the greatest excesses of our age…[it]is a lot worse than driving Hummers in terms of global warming pollution.”

Holy crap!! (pun intended)

My guess, and mind you I am only an ignorant blogger, is that future generations will in no way question the manner in which we cleaned our hind ends.

If you choose to use leaves or the new, reusable wipe that has recently hit the market, live in a earthen shack, walk to work, and eat only plants--more power to you. As for me, I will continue to use the softest TP money can buy, live in a house large enough to find some peace and quiet, drive whatever I want to work, and eat meat…maybe some fresh whale.

Keep a Keen Eye to the South

Mexico, right now, is essentially engaged in a civil war. The wars between rival drug factions have claimed thousands of lives (and estimated 6000 in 2008—by the way, more than were killed by institutionalized violence in Iraq in 2008). Decapitated bodies are now found on a daily basis. It is not safe to walk the streets of Mexico City; more people are kidnapped in Mexico City than any other city in the world. Why should we pay attention? Know what the 2nd most dangerous city in the world is for kidnappings?

Phoenix…Arizona…USA.

In the last year alone countless people in California, Arizona, and Texas have been kidnapped and taken back across the border where they were held for ransom or killed. Hitmen from a Mexican cartel burst into a Phoenix home, dressed as SWAT team members, raked the home with gunfire, executing a man inside. In Texas, a live grenade was thrown into a bar frequented by US drug agents.

President Obama and Janet Napolitano, Director of Homeland Security, had better pay attention and fast. The Mexican government is about to collapse and if it does, hundreds of thousands of refugees will pour across the border. The US will be faced with a humanitarian situation similar to those found in Africa. Or worse, a drug runner will be shot by a rancher, the rancher’s family will be killed by a cartel in retaliation, and every gun-owning Texan (and there are a lot) will take up post on the border…on second thought that might not be a bad idea…at least someone will have realized that the US needs to reinforce the border with a military presence. Pay attention to this. But you won’t find this story in the mainstream media…why? Because it proves that conservatives have been right about the issue of border control for years…and a conservative, according to the Liberal media, can never be right.

Appeasement: It Worked So Well the 1st Time…

Thank God for John Kerry. The Senator from Massachusetts just recently returned from a trip to the Middle East in which he met with the leaders of Syria and Iran, and brought a love note home from President Ahmadinejad to President Obama. It seems that the letter has worked…President Obama has been wooed into a deal to lay off Iran for awhile.

Russian newspapers are reporting that President Obama has offered a deal to the Kremlin in which the US will scrap its missile defense shield plans in Eastern Europe in exchange for “help with Iran”. Didn’t Faust make a similar deal?

The Russians, especially Vladimir Putin, are glad President Bush is gone. The Obama Administration, and its “peace at all cost” approach is exactly what Mother Russia needs.

Here is how this will go down:

First: Obama abandons (I mean thoughtfully withdraws from) Iraq, Russia promises to get Iran to stop building a nuclear weapon, the US does not build a missile shield in Europe, and Obama is lauded by the Liberal media for solving the world’s problems.

Meanwhile: the Iranians never stop building a nuke (with supplies from Russia), Russia, now allied with Iran, pressures Iraq to cut ties with the US, the US still is not protecting Poland, the Czech Republic and all the other Eastern European nations that could be vital to US interests, and Obama is called a hero for the “peace” around the world…despite 14 terrorist attacks perpetrated by former residents of Guantanamo Bay who were released by the courts because they were not read their Miranda Rights on the battlefield.

Then: Iran nukes Israel, Israel responds and is called a “monster”, Russia invades eastern Europe (claiming a need for a “buffer zone” of security from NATO), the US and EU are powerless to stop them because the Iran-Iraq-Russian alliance now controls 90% the world’s oil (since the Obama Administration stopped the drilling of that filthy, polluting stuff a couple of years before), and for some reason, despite the nauseous amounts of idealism oozing from the White House, F22 Raptors just won’t fly on solar energy and corn oil. The situation is even more dire because Obama Mandate #3,456 prohibited the use of soft toilet paper.

Finally: The Democrats get booted, a Republican takes over, does what Obama should have done years ago: takes out Iran, flexes his muscles toward Russia and stops the invasion, goes back to killing terrorists instead of trying to make them feel comfy…and is called a “war-monger” by the Liberal Media…and an enemy to the environment because he uses Charmin Ultra-Soft.